Changes and Finding Balance 

As we enter 2017, I have found myself looking for that balance once again. The end of 2016 brought many changes and opportunities. 

A new full time job was the biggest. For the first time since 2009, I wouldn’t be home all the time with my girls. Even though I worked full time during that time, I was home. We didn’t have to worry or plan or pay for childcare, after school care, babysitting on school breaks. I never missed being home on a birthday or missed a school program. 

A huge schedule change, now having to be out of bed by 5 a.m., out of the house by 6:50-6:55, at work until 5 p.m., commute home or to pick up kids, make dinner and be in bed by 8:30 or 9…it’s constant non-stop go go go. 

The first two weeks were very difficult. I struggled. I was frustrated. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. I felt as though I was not “there” for my family as I had been before. I realized I was right, but there was a shift. 

I realized that it was my energy and fears that were projecting and in return feeding into my family and making mine even more pronounced. It was a vicious cycle. One that only I could break. 

The fear of change and the chaos it brings, no matter how prepared you may be for it, can only change with mindset and conscious decisions. It’s not easy and that’s okay. It, however, is life. Once I began to prioritize my little time in the evening with my family, forget that the dishes were there, what needed to be done for the next day, I found myself relaxing. I looked around and noticed the anxiety and fear in my kids was dissolving. They saw a mom who was calm, collected, relaxed and enjoying the moment with them instead of the stressed out, panicked crazy mama who wished she had time. 

Going into week 3, I have even more understanding, patience and more eye opening realizations. 

In all the chaos, I’ve forgotten about me. I’ve forgotten about what makes me feel good, on top of my game. I realized I have yet again to adjust to accommodate my needs as well. I need my workouts. I need my quiet time with my husband. I need sleep. 

Moving into this week, I’m confident that even more will be gained, learned and mastered during this period of change. I know that my family’s energy feeds off of mine, but that I have to take care of me, to take care of them.

Balance. It’s an ongoing, ever-changing and evolving process. It is give, take and keep. We often forget the “keep”–an important piece to the puzzle to avoid burnout and achieve our goals. 

Happy New Year! 2017 will be the best yet! 

Advertisements

The Two F Words

Even if you fall on your face, you still have gained forward space. Just as failure is only a bruise or a scrape, not a tattoo. Whether you are falling or failing, it’s the momentum you pick yourself up with and the lessons you learned that leads to success. -Cayla Sica

Falling and failing. Two words we all despise. No one likes to fall, figuratively or literally. Failure is the same, it makes us feel inadequate and unworthy. 

There’s a few things I have learned regarding these two “F” words that I apply in my life as a mom, wife, fitness and wellness coach and as a human. 

Whether we fail to complete our daily tasks, whether we failed to say the right words or do the right thing, whether we made the wrong choice or missed a goal, it doesn’t matter what it is, what we did or didn’t do. It’s perspective. 

If you read interviews or books by some of the most successful people in our time and in the past, they will all tell you the same thing about falling down or failure. You can’t grow, change and succeed without it. 

Let’s take a second to talk about five famous failures. 

  • Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
  • The Beatles were rejected by recording studios. They were told they had no future in show business. 
  • Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper because he was “lacking imagination” and had “no original ideas.”
  • Oprah Winfrey was demoted from her job as a TV news anchor because she “wasn’t made for TV.”
  • Albert Einstein did not speak until he was 4 years old. His teachers said he would “never amount to much.”

Now we know what these people all have accomplished. The reasons they accomplished such greatness are actually quite simple, we just have to work at it.

  • Failure is not final. 
  • Failure is settling for what you are told or you believe you are. 
  • Failure is not getting back up the 1,000th time.
  • Failure is part of success. You must accept it and grow from it. 
  • When you feel as though you have failed or fell off the path of your goal, you must re-evaluate, come up with another solution and keep moving forward! 
  • Don’t allow fear to paralyze you in your tracks. Bigger risks equal bigger accomplishments.

Failure is the opportunity to start again, only more intelligently. -Anonymous 

Finding Purpose When You’re Feeling Lost

Sometimes in the waves of change we find our true direction. – Unknown

Change. Purpose. Life. They are small words with deep meaning. They can be the hardest times in life, but we can transform those times into gorgeous and meaningful legacies.

Why is having purpose important? As women, generally our purpose is to care for those around us, those we love, fix the problems, kiss the boo-boos, clean up the messes. This is not to say we don’t find purpose in our jobs, our lives, but we do tend to get caught up in putting everyone first. At the end of the night, we just have nothing left for ourselves, we long to climb into our comfortable beds and hope we can get a few hours of good sleep. 

Find the passion that gives you the purpose to jump out of bed in the morning.

If you are anything like I was at the beginning of my journey, I was so mind-blown with this concept. I’m supposed to find my purpose, which I’ll be passionate about when I am completely in the dark with who I am, what I want in life? I remember thinking for weeks “what is my purpose?” Obviously, I’m meant to be a mom and wife, but now my kids are growing up and becoming independent…where do I go from here?

  1. Breathe. Yes, I realize how silly or insignificant that may seem, but relax this isn’t a race. 
  2. Spend some time searching for what makes you feel amazing, what makes you happy, accomplished and proud.
  3. Set new goals. Goals are simply dreams you are putting into action. (This is the step that I found my passion and purpose! More about that later!!) What is it that you’ve said one day I’d like to do? That’s where to start! Make a list, even if it’s on your phone in a notes app!
  4. Find your tribe. Find people who inspire you to be exactly what you want, that help you stay on track to reach your goals. Accountability and support are absolutely essential to your success. 
  5. Read. Or listen. Read or listen to personal development books that help you build yourself and grow. If you aren’t growing, you’re dying. Personally, I’m into growing and living, succeeding and supporting those around me. 

Just a few steps to get you started! If you have questions or would even like accountability or support, please reach out to me! I’m here for you! Comment below, send me an email via the contact page, find me on Facebook. I want to help you succeed and reach your goals. Momming can be hard, transitioning from one stage to the next can leave you feeling lost, but you don’t need to be! 

“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” – Mother Theresa

There are countless transformations we undergo throughout our life, even only counting from the time we reach the legal age of adulthood. If I think back to when I was 18, I saw the world through very different eyes. The view was jaded from previous experiences and what I thought life would hand me. Working full time, attending community college and it still wasn’t enough, but there’s always a reason, right? Little did I know the main reason wouldn’t be so that I would have to work another job, it wasn’t that I’d ultimately have to give up school, it, however, was that I would meet my soul mate…my best friend…my husband. It would be the whirlwind start of our inseparable souls. (If you would have told me this, I would have laughed so hard…just leaving a bad relationship, I had “sworn” off men and the plan was to focus on myself for a while.) However, this initial meeting, eye contact, handshake and introduction would transform my life beyond what I ever thought imaginable. I had no idea (apart from reading or being “told”) that true love did exist, that marriage and relationships aren’t pure hell. He probably was the first, well, he was the first person that I ever felt completely comfortable around. Whirlwind transformation occurred. I went from “NO MEN ALLOWED” to announcing engagement in just over a year. Nine months later, we would be announcing the news of the first great-grandchild, first grandchild, first great-niece or great-nephew, first niece or nephew….our first child.

Our first beauty arrived in the sweltering heat of summer. I was absolutely SMITTEN! EVERYTHING I did, revolved around her. (Yep….Rookie mistake! Ha!) It was a HUGE transformation period, yet again. Trying to find balance of mom and wife and I was so thankful for maternity leave, because I had no idea what I was going to do when I had to throw that back into the mix! It was hard, I know that many first time parents go through the adjustment period. You know, where mommy is completely focused on baby and oblivious to the fact that there are other people around! Yes…THAT ONE! However, just when I thought I had figured it out, my husband informed me that I needed to take a pregnancy test, because I had become an insufferable B!#@$ the last few weeks. Eventually, I gave in, just to shut him of (OF COURSE!)…but…there were two lines. I was the one who was speechless. I was really excited, but so freaking scared! How was I going to manage a toddler who would be 16 months old when our new baby came?

Transformation time! We won’t go into the details of the insane curveballs that the pregnancy threw me this time around. We will just say, it was a high risk pregnancy and delivery. Thankfully, my little peanut was born healthy and perfect, just little.

I’ll be honest, the next year is pretty much a blur. Neither really slept through the night, if one did, the other didn’t, so over 2 years of sleep deprivation and you don’t even realize life becomes a little hazy. To be honest, it actually breaks my heart. I know in the moment, I was the best mom and wife I could be. I started getting the swing of things, I had toddlers, I thought…hmmm…okay…I CAN DO THIS! LOOK AT ME GO! Then…one Sunday morning, I felt a little “off” — a pregnancy test or two later…yes…another VERY EARLY POSITIVE.

We eventually found out that our latest surprise, were actually surprises. I was so nervous, but so excited. I had always wanted twins…actually, I wanted them first, I had this “perfect” 18-19 year old picture of what my ideal pregnancy would look like. It was twins by 24 or 25, which would give me until 30 to lose the baby weight and the 30-slump that you hear women talking about. Unfortunately, God had other plans. Her identical twin miscarried early on, around 8 weeks. I was informed of this during a routine ultrasound, since my previous pregnancy was high risk.  I will be honest, I allowed a very brave front. Very few family members and friends knew what I was going through. I was fortunate enough to have the support, comfort and understanding of those few that helped me get through the difficult times. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her, I’ll always wonder, but I know she’s with us. When our little feisty girl was born, it was uncommonly easy! I don’t know if I built up the anxiety and overwhelm thinking about the adjustment period before, then multiplying that by two…but whatever the reason…I really began to enjoy every aspect of motherhood.

Fast-forward a couple years and as the years went on, the easier it got. Part of me missed each one as they started pre-school, then kindergarten…there was also a part of me that almost sighed with relief. I had been telling myself for over eight years that once the girls were all in school, I was finally going to figure out who I was, what I liked to do for me, what I wanted to do, what I liked and disliked, what I was passionate about outside of caring for and loving my husband and daughters.

It turns out, this was no easy feat. I felt more lost the more that I tried to find myself. Who was I? Surely, I was not who I was before having kids. I didn’t want to be that person either. That person was jaded, unhappy, depressed, anxious and unsure of herself. But, when I thought about it, not much had changed, except the VIEWS of which some feelings were pointed at. If we were talking as a whole, I would say I was completely happy, couldn’t be better. If I actually thought about it and was honest with myself, I was more unsure of myself than years before. I wasn’t the girl I was then, but I also didn’t know who I was without being Mom all day and all night. This made me depressed, anxious, unhappy. I felt discontentment, I was unhappy with how I looked, no matter what I did, all I saw was negativity when I saw my reflection or would have those inner dialogue conversations. (Yes, I know you have them too!)

It was at this time that I was also going through tremendous health struggles and I started seeking out answers. I knew it was time for change. Transformation into the butterfly I’ve been working on becoming. It was time for ME to take care of ME. That was the best decision I could have EVER made.

 

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” — George Bernard Shaw